And that’s why you haven’t heard from me in a while. All creativity in my body have ceased to exist. Nothing to write about, nothing I want to take a picture of, nothing I want to paint, draw, or even dwell on. I don’t want to do anything besides sit and be numb.

Work sucks – I may have said that before – but I think it is the root of the problem. There’s too much going on for three or four human beings to take care of, yet somehow, I seem to just have more and more things flung my way. I’m not a person who stresses easily, but enough is enough already. My head won’t stop racing. It’s constantly thinking, constantly running. My heart is constantly pounding – thumping out of my chest. My back and my neck are so tense that it’s seriously like touching a rock. I wake up at 6 am and start working. I don’t go to lunch. I don’t leave the house. I work until at least 7 or 8 pm. I break, eat with the boyfriend, then go back to staring at this computer, willing everything to wrap up. I’m done. I can’t possibly do this anymore. The work of one person, one 9 to 5 working girl, is going to have to suffice. Because I don’t have the energy to give a damn anymore – you’ve sapped it out of me. Every bit of life force is gone. It’s what I imagine is happening to me when people take blood from me – that’s what my day job has done.

I’ve vented. It hasn’t made me feel a whole lot better. It hasn’t made me more creative. It hasn’t made my body un-tense. It’s just taken 5 minutes out of my day that I could have been working.

I’m done.

Filed under:
Miscellany by Courtney

I stepped out this morning to walk Milo and the air smelled of garlic bread. And it’s just gotten stonger this morning (my house is now smelling like garlic bread). And now, I’m craving garlic bread. I will have to find time to make it to the store today so I can consume at least half a loaf to squash this craving.

And yes, I’m still alive. I know I’ve dropped off the face of the earth for a while. My tonsils are back to normal (at least for me). My mental health, however, is wavering due to the stress of work (work sucks – I know that’s juvenile, but that’s my feeling on it at the moment).

So hopefully I can get off the merry-go-round that is work for a while today, escape to the outside world again (it’s a gorgeous day here), and smell the stinking-rose bread.

Filed under:
Miscellany by Courtney

My favorite aunt sent her favorite niece a “bear that cares”. I’m 26 years old and still spoiled rotten. And I love it – that’s the kind of person I am.

Filed under:
Miscellany by Courtney